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Frequently asked questions
Is it a real potato?
Yes, of course! A 100%-real British potato will be delivered to your nominated address with a hand-written message on it.
What does my hard earned cash actually get me?
If looking at a potato parcel. The classic spud gift includes one seriously sexy potato, a protective box that is filled with shredded protective packaging, a personal enscribed message, and a card that confirms to the receiver that they have indeed just received a potato in the mail.
How big is the potato?
As potatoes are a naturally occurring product the size, shape, colour, texture and type will vary. We haven’t yet discovered a factory making genetically perfect potatoes but we’re working on it. In the meantime, we only send the largest potatoes currently available on the market but as spuds are a perishable and natural product the size varies.
How much does it cost?
This varies depending on which gift you would like to send your best-spud!
Can I eat the potato and dicks?
We certainly don’t recommend that you eat a raw potato, instead admire the beauty that is the majestic spud. If you would like to consume the spud ensure it is cooked properly and that the non-toxic ink is washed or peeled off prior to consumption.
Why don’t I buy a potato and post it myself?
Ahh, a rookie error. These aren’t your average, small, boring 50p potatoes from Aldi. These are large, expensive, organic, individually selected, heavy, seriously sexy potatoes. Also, you don’t have the spud-tacular packaging, gift card, accessories, special long-lasting ink and most likely can’t be bothered lining up at the post office for five hours. Trust us when we say it takes a long time to perfect the art of creating a perfect potato gift, the below is someone who tried... (sad trombone noise)
What can I say on the potato? Can you write anything?
You can have any message you like hand written on your potato (within the character limit). We reserve the right not to fulfil orders that are deemed bullying or upsetting in nature. This will be decided by management. It is the sender's responsibility to ensure they aren't sending anything very rude or nasty as we may change the message without notice.
You can use swear words, but anything that may cause aggravation such as racist or sexist comments may be removed. Depending on the message, we may replace the entire note with a love heart or 'HEY THERE SPUDDY'. Otherwise we may just remove the offensive word/s individually. You may be contacted if this is the case and asked for a different potato message, or if only a small change this may be done without content to ensure swift delivery!
If unsure about your message, feel free to send us an email or chat, and we will let you know if there are any issues with your s-mash-ing message!
Is it anonymous? You ask for my email and phone number.
All our parcels are sent anonymously. We do not include any paperwork, invoices, receipts etc in or outside the gift box. The parcel is always sent without any sender’s details and does not have any branding, it is completely mysterious.
How do I pay?
You can check out using PayPal, Visa, MasterCard or American Express. You can purchase using PayPal even if you don’t have a PayPal account, you can also use a debit card. The website is secure and security encrypted.
What if my order is missing information or I forget to add something?
Oh you silly dill! If you accidently make a mistake when ordering, i.e. wrong delivery address or misspell your message, please let us know via email (firstname.lastname@example.org) as soon as possible. If your glorious order has not yet been fulfilled we should be able to remedy the mistake for you, you lovely spud.
How do I send a photo for the personalised clothing?
You will be sent an email from one of our team members, once they have processed your order. In this email you will be asked to respond and attach your desired image, and any edits/alterations you would like made to ensure we create a spuddy great item for you!
If you would prefer, you're welcome to send your image to email@example.com alongside your order number, and from here we will manually add the file to your order.
How long does it take to make the personalised clothing?
We aim to turn around your spud-tacular gifts as quickly as possible. The standard time is between 2-4 working days (Monday-Friday) to dispatch, plus the postage time you have selected at checkout.
Will the chocolate dick melt?
Depends where you put it... Just joking.
Can I see a size chart for the personalised clothing?
Sure thing spuddy, please see below. If there is a size listed that is not showing on the website please let us know and we can create this size for you without any issues.
Aren't the potato gifts wasteful?
Short answer: No.
More than £1bn of food destined for UK supermarkets is thrown away before it leaves farms due to quality standards, fluctuations in demand, or problems during storage contributing to 3.6m tonnes of waste. We purchase directly from local UK farms and suppliers helping reduce their need to throw away potatoes for the above reasons.
We hand select every potato, and make very small, regular buys to ensure there is zero stock wastage and loss at our office.
All of our packaging is recyclable and/or made from recycled products.
We support local industry and workers, ensuring products are not travelling long distances to minimise the carbon footprint.
The potato itself is not wasted at all once purchased. The ink has been specially created so that it can be safely consumed or removed with warm water. You can either cook and eat your spud gift as normal, or wait until it has arms and legs, plant it ,and grow potato babies.
Finally, due to the perishable nature of a potato it is not a product that can, nor is sent overseas to help developing areas so we are not using or wasting items that could help those less fortunate elsewhere. We make an annual donation at the end of each year, based on a percentage of each order total to a local food charity bank.